Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, huh?
These past few months have been nothing but a whirlwind of life sneaking up on me. Work was absolutely insane in February and March. While I was working 60 – 80 hour weeks back to back, trying to fit time in for my babe, my pups, and myself, my husband and I received some absolutely incredible life altering news…I’m pregnant!! Yes, my lovelies – I am pregnant!!! It would be an understatement to say that I am utterly excited to be able to say that about myself. I’m going to get pretty personal here, which I haven’t done on the blog in quite some time. Oh my word, deep breaths…here we go…
Let me take you back quite a few years, back into my mid-twenties…when a simple phone call changed my entire life. At this point in my life, at 25, my now husband (then fiance) and I had been together for 5 years. I was never the girl that wanted to have children. I played the rebellious teenager when my friends and I played house a child, and I never saw myself being a mom as I grew up. I wanted to have a boyfriend, dogs, and a career. I even told my mom (bless her heart and soul – miss you mom!) that I was never going to have children, and that she’d have grandchildren from my brother. Now, I have nothing against children or motherhood, but I never saw that being something I wanted for myself. I never really thought more about it. I mean, at this point in my life, I was in a committed relationship with my best friend, the man I love more than anything, and if we did happen to get pregnant, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it wasn’t something I was striving for or even looking for. Here I am, working at a private school, about to walk to lunch, and I see that my OBGYN was calling me. Naturally, I went outside to answer the call. “Hello?” I said. “Miss Foley? This is Rose from Dr. OBGYN’s office (not going to use their real name, sorry). I have the results of your tests in, and I wanted to speak with you about them. Do you have a moment?” At this point I started to panic. I had been having horrible cramps, irregular periods, and many more problems that I was undergoing testing. There was worry that I may have a very serious disease. What was she going to tell me? Was she going to tell me, over the phone, that I was sick? “Yes, I have a moment.” I said. “Miss Foley, I’m very sorry to have to tell you this over the phone. “Oh god – here it comes..”The results show that your ovaries are not in good working order, which is why you’ve had such terrible issues. Unfortunately, this means that your chances of being able to conceive naturally are slim to none, should you wish to do so in the future.” Upon hearing this, I felt my heart sink into my stomach. “Thank you so much Rose.” “Miss Foley, we’d like to see you next week to fully discuss the results, and answer any questions you may have. I will schedule an appointment with you.” Once the phone call ended, tears were streaming down my face. Why was I so upset? I didn’t want to have children anyway, why did this matter? Well – let me go on to tell you that the next 8 years of my life knowing this news severely altered my inner worth, my inner being, my self esteem in general. I felt, as a woman, the fact that I was completely unable to conceive a child – even if I wanted to – was not a possibility without lots of money, medical assistance and more stress. I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn’t a woman. I felt robbed. Despite the fact that I never wanted children – the idea that I couldn’t have them on my own took away something from me, took away something from my husband, took away something from our lives.
Fast forward 8 years, to right now, I’m 33 years old. My husband and I are expecting something that we never thought we’d have the chance to experience. To have the privilege of feeling, knowing, exploring. We are on an incredibly exciting adventure of becoming new parents to our very own little baby, that we created. We blew medical opinion out of the water, and we miraculously created something we didn’t even know we could. The fact that I’m now 24 weeks pregnant, still blows my mind and my husbands’ mind. We feel lucky, we feel complete, we feel such an overwhelming amount of feelings, that its difficult to describe them in one simple word let alone a paragraph. As I sit here writing this post, I feel my little baby moving around (she’s an active one, let me tell you), and I’m so filled with love, joy, excitement, and a new beaming sense of self-worth that I want to cry (pregnancy hormones aside). I’ve shared with you an ultrasound photo of our sweet little baby in this post, simply because I feel that she is absolutely beautiful, and we haven’t met her yet. Miracles come in all shapes and sizes, and when you least expect it but when you need it the most.
With this new miracle in our lives, I’ve decided to start incorporating mom-to-be and more into this blog, as this is really my current focus in life. I still love fashion, style, makeup, shoes, and more, but this baby and my husband are my everything. I’d love nothing more than to open this up to something bigger, and connect with other moms and moms-to-be to discover inspiration, creative ideas, and more. I hope you will ride along this exciting adventure with me. Thank you for reading for so many years, for hoping on the roller coasters, and for letting me share a piece of my personal life with you. I love you all so much!